Dear _ _ _ _ _ _ _,
I just wanted to let you know that I miss you.
And I wish that you could hear me, only I know that you can't. Not any longer.
I'm sorry that I was such a jerk back then. I mean, okay- sometimes you were a jerk too- but what I did was pretty harsh. And really jerk-like, too.
Now it's even worse than harsh and jerk-like, because there's no way I can take back what I said; and there's no way I can let you know I'm sorry.

I wish you could have talked to me before you left. You could have at least given me the chance to apologise. Now the only way I can apologise is through this crummy post on my blog which hardly anybody will understand and which you won't get to read anyway... and that sucks worse than anything.

If only I could do something- anything- to bring you back.
I know that at times I doubted you and got majorly annoyed at you and everything...but when it comes down to this...I've realized that I really do miss you. And I need you around. It sounds selfish, but it's true.

Remember the time when you were in hospital, and you got your friend to take around her laptop just so you could talk to me? Well, yeah. Even if you don't recall that, I do.
I got so insecure sometimes, but you were there for me through it all.

And then I ended up being so crummy towards you.
Okay, so you didn't exactly have to react by cussing me to the nine hells, either.
But that makes it hurt even more- and what I want, more than anything else, is to go back and redo everything.

You've been gone for some time now; and I've been trying so, so hard to gather the memories of you back together into one piece- but I can't. I keep trying to remember every argument, every all-out fight, and every good time that we had together; but somehow the memories elude me, and it ends up being more blurred than before.

You know you didn't have to go.

Live, love, and die; you used to say. As if it was that simple. As if the complexities of human comprehension could be summed up in those three actions. Only cowards kill themselves- but I know you weren't a coward, I know you were strong, so why?

Okay, I'm sorry for ranting.
So sue me for actually missing you.

I'm so sorry. I should have known- I should have asked you- I didn't know how badly things were going for you. You'll always have a special place in my heart- and yeah.

I just really wanted you to know that I still think about you, and that no matter how hecka cliched this sounds...I'll never forget you.

Never.

Even if you'll never know that.